Marriage Intensives with Barbara Kohler
I am a Christian Counselor and have tailored the Marriage Intensive experience to bring restoration to the Christian Couple who has experienced wounding and desires transformation of the spirit, soul and body. My approach is clinical and spiritual. We are an experiential psychotherapy practice in the private sector. Often, when Jesus ministered, He gave people teaching/instruction as well as a healing or miraculous experience. The techniques I use for the intensives are listed on my website and I encourage you to research, google, etc., to familiarize yourself with the techniques.
Healing takes place in stages. I find people come into therapy at one of three stages, and each of these stages has varying degrees of intensity.
- Crisis – The couple is hurt or even devastated by a recent event, affair, death, tragedy, or some type of upset that has rocked their world.
- Seeking Awareness to Break Destructive Patterns – The Couple is on a continuum of discovery that there are destructive habit, thought or behavioral patterns in their marriage and they desire to stop making the same destructive choices or choosing the same false solutions that leave them in the same wounded place.
- Desiring Self Actualization – The Couple is trying to break through to the next level of their marriage, family life, career, business, ministry, etc., but are still getting snagged by familiar patterns they worked so hard to overcome.
Awareness, like healing, also comes in stages.
- Breaking fallow ground. For you farmers or even gardeners, you know that not all ground is alike. Some ground is hard. It needs lots of water and lots of tilling before you can plant seed in it and expect that seed to take root. So, for some, you are in the process of breaking fallow ground to gain insight. Lack of insight. That is the very thing that fallow ground represents.
- Teaching – Teaching is one of the most helpful things in breaking through the fallow ground.
- Baptism into the Holy Spirit – An intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit is essential to Christian growth. If you are not baptized into the Holy Spirit, you will have difficulty gaining insight and growing in Christ.
- Prayer and Fasting – I have found nothing that accelerates understanding like prayer and fasting (food). I can attribute many breakthroughs of all kinds to prayer and fasting food. Incidentally, the biblical model of fasting is to fast food (all, part, and sometimes water when directed by the Holy Spirit).
- Cultivating good ground. Forgiving often, dealing with issues in a timely manner, and working with your spouse to have the best marriage you can have. Stop blaming and start working.
- Harvest. Continuing to break up fallow ground in certain areas, bring in the harvest of areas where you have worked hard. Enjoy the fruit of your labors. Devoted to eliminating all deception and psychological games in your marriage and pursuing ongoing transformation that Jesus died to give you.
While you are here:
- Get plenty of rest and drink lots of water. Avoid alcohol or drug abuse.
- Do not engage in risky behavior or behavior that would not be pleasing to the Lord; i.e., do not open the door to the devil. He desires your destruction. Jesus desires wholeness for you. So, I ask you not to sabotage your sanctification or healing with negative behavior.
- Bring a written list of all medications and supplements you are taking.
- Take good care of yourself by communing with the Holy Spirit. He wants to guide you into all truth. Make peace with truth and do not be afraid to allow the Holy Spirit into the deep places of your heart.
- Trust that God will do just what you need for the time you are here. Your transformation is an ongoing process. Do not be discouraged if you feel like you did not get every issue handled in one 3- to 5-day encounter. We all have lots of material to work on! God knows how much you can process and handle. Also, if you feel like I am taking you through things too quickly, please feel free to tell me to slow down. I have a desire for you to get as much healing as possible while you are here. However, I do not want you to feel overwhelmed. You have liberty to set boundaries with me and the process.
Within the three- to five-day time frame, you and I will work together in the following way:
- Life Script Analysis and Set Goals for Therapy
- Frames of Reference for Husband and Wife.
- Review the Joines Personalities Adaptations Questionnaire. This is a tool I use to facilitate the work and help you understand your individual personalities and how you interact with one another. Identify prevalent negative emotions you are dealing with on a daily basis (Racket feelings).
- Identify your marriage goals.
- Begin Re-Decision Therapy (RDT)
- I ask everyone to do this type of work as it will show me how you process information and it will increase your ego strength and ability to handle life’s pressures and resolve marital stress more effectively.
- RDT an excellent technique if you struggle with self-sabotage, self-harm, self-rejection, or suicidal thoughts. If your partner triggers you, I have found this therapy model very effective in addressing codependency or emotionally charged relationships.
- Complete any RDT work carried over from day one
- Begin Energy Work
- Energy techniques deal with the unconscious traumas in your mind that often affect your every day relationships: spouse, boss, pastor, children, siblings, etc.
- Think of it as if you are getting the sediment off the ocean floor. The sediment on the ocean floor often makes the water very cloudy.
- Energy techniques help to clear out the unconscious traumas. The result is often a desire to read your Bible more, pray more, and praise God.
- From a biblical perspective, I liken it to getting the idols out of the temple. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit.
- Although we are using scientific techniques, unfortunately, Energy Work has been seen by some believers as “New Age.” We are using the body’s own positive energy to release itself from negative energy.
- Father God, in His ingenious design of the body, gave a way for trauma to be released. We engage no other spirit but the Holy Spirit of God. We rely on Father God, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit to hover over the process, guide the process, and bring healing and transformation to you in the areas you desire. God, the Holy Spirit, wants to walk alongside you as a Helper in your process.
Days Three to Five:
- Complete or continue Energy Work.
- Use HeartSync and RDT to solidify the work you each did during these three days so that, when you leave, you will feel like “everything is in place” to the extent that it can be where you are in your healing journey. HeartSync and other prayer techniques, such as Transformational Prayer Ministry are used to build your capacity and build joy in your heart, mind, and body.
- Discuss follow up and future therapy. If you are local, doing one day encounters, keep in mind one day of a marriage intensive will not fix all your issues. It will, however, help you begin to clear out the negativity you have been walking in for years.
- If you are working through relational trauma and coming from out of state, you are responsible to have a local therapist for mental health emergencies, weekly sessions if you need, and other types of situations that need to be handled on sight with a trained therapist.
- Solidify your plan for when you return home. I will help you come up with a plan to maintain your progress so you do not fall into old patterns.
Come with an open mind. Your spouse is not your enemy. They are your opportunity. If you feel like God has led you here, trust Him. If there is a particular technique you are not comfortable with, I will not compel you to engage that technique. Just know it can limit your level of transformation. If you are okay with that, I am okay with that. If you would like to seek the Lord regarding your resistance to a technique, I welcome that. Everywhere Jesus went, He gave people an experience of Himself. My prayer for your marriage is that you each experience God in a deep way and your life together will be better for having done this Intensive. For More Information, call Barbara Kohler at 1-252-758-8636.
For Professional Disclosure of other credentials, training and costs, please call our office at 252-758-8636. Please note I am not aware of any insurance company that covers marriage counseling. You can book an initial consult with Barbara via Zoom or in the office for local clients to hear more about the process. A deposit is required to book an Intensive.